Clang the bells and toss the confetti!

The cat’s outta the bag! The case has been cracked! The mystery of Kohl’s Hunk has been solved!!!!!!

Thanks to a faithful reader called SurlyChick, we now know the name of our elusive palomino poster boy.

Drum roll please….

Ladies, I give you Kevin Rice of Storm Models…in his little black undies.

Oh.

My.

God.

Will you LOOK at those abs? Will you LOOK at those arms!

And then there are these.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph …and Saint Peter, too.

Where are my smelling salts?

What the hell is Ralph Lauren thinking hiding this man’s magnificent torso under plaid polos and Scandinavian reindeer sweaters?

Shirtless, this man is so white-hot my eyelashes just caught on fire.

Maybe it’s because of his chest hair? I’ve heard Ralph Lauren prefers his underwear models to sport pecs as smooth as a baby’s behind.

Well, I disagree, Ralphie boy. Show me a sprinkling of that golden chest hair and I’ll go buy at least 20 packages of whatever stud panties you’re trying to peddle.

And here’s another thing I think the Ralph Lauren photographers are doing wrong. In the Kohl’s Chaps ads, we hardly ever get to this guy smile. But just look at this loveable grin!

And this one.

Oh, and I am absolutely in LOVE with this.

Will you look at those dazzlingly blue, come hither eyes? Lord have mercy! Can I please be his wrist so he can bite me?

I like this one, too.

Just look at that deep dimple. Is it wrong that I want to poke my finger into it, or maybe smear some strawberry jam his cheek and then lick it off? Sure sounds like a good way to spell breakfast to me.

The Storm Models web site has a plethora of pleasing photos of Mr. Rice, and some of them are somewhat amusing.

For instance, this furry Russian animal hat get-up has me giggling, but it’s also getting me all hot and bothered.

Why do I suddenly have the urge to strip down, crawl under a bear pelt and copulate hibernate through the long, cold winter?

And then there’s this comical dog rescue picture.

I can see myself lying on the slopes with a twisted ankle, nearly unconscious, in desperate need of the Swiss Alpine canine rescue hunk to resucsitate me…

Oh, and here’s another rescue picture.

I call this one the “Lost in the Forest, Looking for a Ride from Red Riding Hood” picture.

Yoo hoo! Kevvy Baby! I’m over here in the blackberry thicket with my red dress on! Come and get me!

I also adore this Hawaiian shorts/shirt and tie picture.

I have no freaking idea what this haphazard fashion statement is supposed to mean, but let me climb into that Chevy, Kevvy baby, and mess up your mismatched clothes some more.

Of course, I must confess that although I’m wildly elated to finally find out who this guy is, I’m rather disappointed by his name.

Kevin Rice is just so…mundane.

And it doesn’t sound at all Scandinavian.

SurlyChick also informed us that Kevvy Baby has starred in a few flicks (just minor roles).

He played a guy called Kip in “Serendipity” (which starred John Cusak), and he played — oh, this is so icky that I hate to even write it – a pedophile in a movie called “The Woodsman,” which stars Kevin Bacon.

I’m not sure I’m up for seeing my blond crush playing a creepy, disgusting pedophile, but I’ll definitely be checking out “Serendipity.”

I simply must knowwhat Kevvy Baby’s voice sounds like.

Thank you SurlyChick. You made my day.

**All photos: Storm Models

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